Matt's Actual Birthday!

The reason I planned a birthday surprise for Matt on May 1st was because we had something very important planned for May 14th, his actual birthday. We decided back in April that we were going to pursue our dream of having a family and not let the bad experience we had with our surrogate stop us. We were both hurt and angry with the whole experience. I am not going to go into details because I don't want to bring up the hurt and anger again.
We will not pursue surrogacy again, at least not for a VERY long time. And if we do ever decide that is the route we want to try again, we will most defiantly go through an agency and choose someone who has been a surrogate before.
Now to Matt's real birthday. We had began the process of doing a F.E.T ( frozen embryo transfer ) on myself March 31st. I started birth control pills on March 31 and took them for 21 days. This is to keep your body "quiet" and hopefully keep your body from making any cysts in the ovaries. I then started Lupron which is to keep your body suppressed and keep your lining thin. This was a Sub Q injection in the thigh, very small needle and no pain at all. I gave them to myself daily. Now, I had never been through this process before as I only went through the stimulation part of IVF because the embryo was transferred to our surrogate. I produced many follicles and they retrieved 20 eggs on November 24th 2009. This was very uncomfortable but well worth it as we now have many frozen embryos to work with now, not 20 but a good amount. I was very nervous about the PIO (progesterone in oil ) injections as well as the Estrodial injections, because our surrogate had a terrible time with these. These are both IM ( inter- muscular) injections and must be done in the butt. Matt had to give these to me and he had never given a shot before. He did awesome! The shot does not hurt at all, but the bum does get very sore from the daily shots. I had to get the PIO shots every day starting about a week before transfer till the HCG beta results 8 days after transfer. The Estrodial shots were just Tues and Friday's.
To help with some of the side effects of the meds and to help with the anxiety of all of this, I also started doing acupuncture with a lady who works with IVF Patients and knows the protocol. Acupuncture helped me with stress relief and anxiety and the headaches that Lupron caused. It also helped me sleep better as well, my mind tends to race at night and I have a hard time sleeping. I went once a week for about 3 weeks and then on the day of the transfer I went right before the transfer and right after the transfer. I also took a Valium that the RE ( Reproductive Endocrinologist) gave me to help relax me and also help ease the uterine cramps that sometimes follow an Embryo transfer. I know this is a lot of personal info but I am also documenting this for myself so I can remember the details. This may help a lot people understand the whole process as well , I get asked a lot of questions regarding IVF.
The morning of May 14th we woke up and headed to the fertility clinic. I was so relaxed and calm. probably didn't need Valium but i took it anyway for the cramping. I really think the acupuncture was what helped me feel this calm. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining even when I did IUI's ( inter uterine insemination) and this time was no exception. Perfect! was the Dr's exact words. 14 cm if I remember correctly. I slept the rest of the afternoon and evening. I laid in bed or on the couch for the next 4 days per Dr's orders. I was able to shower but nothing else. I went in for my first HCG beta on May 20th. They do not even process this test, they freeze it and run it with the second test at the same time to make sure the environment is the same. I went in for the second test on May 22nd. I did not have any symptoms of being pregnant and was feeling nervous that it did not work. I took a HPT ( home pregnancy test) the morning of may 22 before we headed to the clinic for the 2nd beta test. It was negative..... the blood tests were also negative. I really wish I could have given Matt the VERY best gift for his birthday but not this time, hopefully next time. We were disappointed but not beaten down. We will try again. We have to! We will not quit because quiting would be giving up and we are not ready to do that. We have to/want to give all our embryos that are left a chance.
Currently we are in the middle of the process again and are looking forward to the possibility of being pregnant. This time I am also doing acupuncture. I am much more relaxed about the injections, I haven't started them yet but know they will go fine. I am doing the estrodial patches instead because Matt will not be here to give them to me. My bum will appreciate that I am sure! Well there you have "the rest of the story" . This has defiantly been the most emotional trying time I have ever been through, and I have been through trying times before! But I have to say that I am stronger, we are stronger because of it. I feel that our marriage is stronger because of it and we are there for each other in a more intense way then before. We understand life is not fair and can be difficult at times, but bring it on! We can/will get through it. We will have a family one way or the other!
Prayers and positive thoughts are much needed and very appreciated.