Rental Remodel

We have a rental house in Chico that Matt bought while attending Chico state 9 years ago. It can be a lot of work at times but will all be worth it in the end. Our renters moved out May 7th and we had the oppurtunity to finally remove the old kitchen cabinets and replace them with new ones. We also painted the interior and replaced the doors with new 6 panel doors. I think it turned out really nice. Now we just need to get some tenants in there!

The orignal cabinet in the kitchen by the laundery that we left in place. it also shows through the living room too. it would hav ebeen hard to replace and acctually gives it some character.

The new two tone paint throughout the house. Looking from kitchen into living room/dining room.

The new kitchen cabinets. The old ones were the original cabinets from 1920 when the house was built. They were white plywood and the doors and drawers did not close properly. New countertop, sink, and faucet as well.

If you know anyone who may need a house in Chico, let me know. It is a 2 bedroom 1 bath and needs some good tenants to make it a home!

Matt's Actual Birthday!

The reason I planned a birthday surprise for Matt on May 1st was because we had something very important planned for May 14th, his actual birthday. We decided back in April that we were going to pursue our dream of having a family and not let the bad experience we had with our surrogate stop us. We were both hurt and angry with the whole experience. I am not going to go into details because I don't want to bring up the hurt and anger again.
We will not pursue surrogacy again, at least not for a VERY long time. And if we do ever decide that is the route we want to try again, we will most defiantly go through an agency and choose someone who has been a surrogate before.
Now to Matt's real birthday. We had began the process of doing a F.E.T ( frozen embryo transfer ) on myself March 31st. I started birth control pills on March 31 and took them for 21 days. This is to keep your body "quiet" and hopefully keep your body from making any cysts in the ovaries. I then started Lupron which is to keep your body suppressed and keep your lining thin. This was a Sub Q injection in the thigh, very small needle and no pain at all. I gave them to myself daily. Now, I had never been through this process before as I only went through the stimulation part of IVF because the embryo was transferred to our surrogate. I produced many follicles and they retrieved 20 eggs on November 24th 2009. This was very uncomfortable but well worth it as we now have many frozen embryos to work with now, not 20 but a good amount. I was very nervous about the PIO (progesterone in oil ) injections as well as the Estrodial injections, because our surrogate had a terrible time with these. These are both IM ( inter- muscular) injections and must be done in the butt. Matt had to give these to me and he had never given a shot before. He did awesome! The shot does not hurt at all, but the bum does get very sore from the daily shots. I had to get the PIO shots every day starting about a week before transfer till the HCG beta results 8 days after transfer. The Estrodial shots were just Tues and Friday's.
To help with some of the side effects of the meds and to help with the anxiety of all of this, I also started doing acupuncture with a lady who works with IVF Patients and knows the protocol. Acupuncture helped me with stress relief and anxiety and the headaches that Lupron caused. It also helped me sleep better as well, my mind tends to race at night and I have a hard time sleeping. I went once a week for about 3 weeks and then on the day of the transfer I went right before the transfer and right after the transfer. I also took a Valium that the RE ( Reproductive Endocrinologist) gave me to help relax me and also help ease the uterine cramps that sometimes follow an Embryo transfer. I know this is a lot of personal info but I am also documenting this for myself so I can remember the details. This may help a lot people understand the whole process as well , I get asked a lot of questions regarding IVF.
The morning of May 14th we woke up and headed to the fertility clinic. I was so relaxed and calm. probably didn't need Valium but i took it anyway for the cramping. I really think the acupuncture was what helped me feel this calm. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining even when I did IUI's ( inter uterine insemination) and this time was no exception. Perfect! was the Dr's exact words. 14 cm if I remember correctly. I slept the rest of the afternoon and evening. I laid in bed or on the couch for the next 4 days per Dr's orders. I was able to shower but nothing else. I went in for my first HCG beta on May 20th. They do not even process this test, they freeze it and run it with the second test at the same time to make sure the environment is the same. I went in for the second test on May 22nd. I did not have any symptoms of being pregnant and was feeling nervous that it did not work. I took a HPT ( home pregnancy test) the morning of may 22 before we headed to the clinic for the 2nd beta test. It was negative..... the blood tests were also negative. I really wish I could have given Matt the VERY best gift for his birthday but not this time, hopefully next time. We were disappointed but not beaten down. We will try again. We have to! We will not quit because quiting would be giving up and we are not ready to do that. We have to/want to give all our embryos that are left a chance.
Currently we are in the middle of the process again and are looking forward to the possibility of being pregnant. This time I am also doing acupuncture. I am much more relaxed about the injections, I haven't started them yet but know they will go fine. I am doing the estrodial patches instead because Matt will not be here to give them to me. My bum will appreciate that I am sure! Well there you have "the rest of the story" . This has defiantly been the most emotional trying time I have ever been through, and I have been through trying times before! But I have to say that I am stronger, we are stronger because of it. I feel that our marriage is stronger because of it and we are there for each other in a more intense way then before. We understand life is not fair and can be difficult at times, but bring it on! We can/will get through it. We will have a family one way or the other!
Prayers and positive thoughts are much needed and very appreciated.

Matt's Birthday Surprise!

For Matt's Birthday I surprised him with a day just for him. I told him a week before that he could not plan anything for May 1st and he must keep the day open. He kept asking me what we were doing, where we were going, for how long we were going to be gone. I didn't give him any clues.....he was a wreck not know the details! Well we started the day going east, He thought we were getting a tattoo in Grass Valley, nope! We turned south towards Roseville.... a massage? Nope! We spent a few hours in Roseville shopping (for him) and eating lunch. Then we headed west towards Sacramento..... a boat ride on the river? Nope! He was dieing! These were his guesses as I was driving. Again I gave him zero clues. Well we turned on J street and proceeded to 14th street and turned left. A few hundred feet from "the place" you could smell what was coming up. I thought for sure he was going to figure it out ....Nope! He even commented on how good it smelled. ( the smell was from the hopps) He didn't have any idea until we walked into Brew.It.Up in Sacramento to brew our ( his ) own beer! Needless to say he LOVED it! It took 3 hours. It was great fun and Matt enjoyed himself so much he was still feeling it the next day! We returned 3 weeks later to bottle and bring our beer home. I am not much of a beer drinker ( well not much of a drinker at all ) but I have to say the beer is pretty good. I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys a beer or two or three :) You come home with about six cases of beer. We have been sharing with our friends and family.


On our way home, feeling Soooo Goood! Until tomorrow :)

Me giving the beer a big stir!

He is loving this! He said it was the best birthday he has had in years! Nice pat on the back for me :)

The beer was VERY hot. We had to stir it every 15 minutes.

April is Donate Life Month

I will write about our infertility/surrogate/? when i am ready, until then April is donate life month.

Did you know.......

There are over 100,000 people, the size of a small city, on the transplant list in the US.

There were less than 10,000 deceased organ donors in the US last year. (that's a ratio of 1 organ donor to every 10 transplant patients).

In the time it takes you to shower today, 1 new name is added to the US transplant waiting list.

From the time you woke up this morning to the time you wake up tomorrow morning, 18 people will die waiting for their transplant in the US.
click below to register.
http://www.donatelifecalifornia.org/

Save a life today!

Dr. Appointment

Matt and I went to the Dr. yesterday for a follow up appointment to ask questions about what could have gone wrong. We asked about any type of testing that could be done to see if Matt and i are even compatible, in the baby making sense. There is a blood test but it is quite pricey and even then if it does show something genetic the Dr. does not recommend trying to test the frozen embryos that we have because the process could be damaging to the embryos. Also if it does show something it does not mean that the embryos would not produce a healthy baby. If the blood test does not show anything, it still would not rule out the possibility of having another miscarriage. So Matt and I have chosen to not have the blood test done at this time. The Dr felt like there was not anything specific that caused the miscarriage because the first u/s showed the baby was measuring 2 weeks smaller then it should have. the heart rate was also slow (130), but a week later the heart rate was 172 and measuring only a week and a half behind. so we were hope full that the first u/s measurements were just off or that the baby was catching up. We know now that that was not the case. S was dx with a sub.chor.ionic hem.orage on Friday and started miscarrying on Sat. This was something that could not be prevented or stopped.
As for our next step we are still giving S and J some time to think about it more as she does not feel ready yet, and not sure if she ever will. This is really disappointing for Matt and I but we will not give up know matter what they decide. We will just move on to plan b. We certainly did not expect this to be a one time shot. I don't think we would have proceeded with everything if we only had 1 chance, it's a lot of time, energy and money to spend. Now we just wait, a little longer, as I will not wait forever, to see what our next step entails. I have never given up on what I want and I will just keep climbing this mountain called IF. Sometimes life can be scary but I have to look beyond those fears and trust that what is meant to happen will happen, just hoping its sooner rather then later!

I could not have said it better.....

I received this from my Aunt a while back and it is something I have really come to realize this past month while going through our recent loss.

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break.

Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.

BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.........Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you........Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other..

Every day, we need each other still

Valentines Day

Matt and I had a simple but great valentines day! A day with my loves how could it be bad? We went to Chico and hiked in upper bidwell park to a place called "Monkeys Face". It was a nice hike and such nice weather too. We hope your valentines day was just as sweet! View from the top looking down onto horseshoe lake.

Not the best view, the full monkeys face is better from the front, not this side.

The pups swimming in horseshoe lake.

My Valentine!

His Valentine ;)

The start of our hike.

Why!!??

Why? Why do such deserving people have to feel such heartbreak?
Why does He give to just take away moments later?
I will never know the answer but pray I will begin to trust the reason even though I may never understand.
There are women who are going through this heartbreak today, most we do not know, but some we do. My dear friend I am thinking about you today! I am sooooo angry that we have to experience this. I hate that our dreams were shattered. Yeah, we must go on but we will NOT forget them! I think about my babies everyday, and they are always in my heart.
This week S would have been 13 weeks, past the "critical" stage. We would have seen S's baby belly. We would be talking and planning the upcoming events, finding out the sex, the baby shower, the beginning of the nursery, all the "fun" stuff. Uggghhh, Why did this have to end?!
J and S are coming to town for his grandma's b day and we are going to have dinner with them next week. I am a little nervous, I hope I don't break down crying! I have been doing [pretty well, staying busy defiantly helps. But then something happens or pops up in my email or snail mail that brings back all the disappointment. Signing up for baby center and weekly updates has not made this easy! Just when i think I have deleted all the updates i receive one more!
Please pray for us as we see S and J for the first time since the miscarriage and we go to our follow up apointmentt with the IVF Dr on the 23rd. We have so many questions that we hope can be answered. Answers that will hopefully put our fears at ease so we can begin the next step towards having a baby!

I have been looking through old photos today and realized I forgot to post anything about our New Years vacation in Tahoe. I love looking back at old photos and reliving the memories. Of course there is a lot of pics of our pups enjoying the snow but I also through in some of ourselves and Matt's dad too. We always have a great time in Tahoe, in fact I believe it is one of our favorite places to go. Thank goodness it is so close.
#1 thing on our bucket list.......own a house in Tahoe!

* can someone please tell me how to get more then 5 photos to post. blogger won't let me ever do anymore then that.



New Year's 2010 Tahoe Vacation.

It's a love/hate relationship! If you look close enough you can see Sadie "smiling" at Toby!

Did I mention she loves the snow! We decided to not torture her with her snow boots, I believe she would have lost them in the snow anyways.

This is what they did for over an hour on the snow covered beach. They were pooped afterwards.

It was REALLY bright out there!

Matt and his Dad.

What not to say.....

Some people have been asking how they can help us and support us through this time of great loss. I found this today and felt it may help you to understand what we may be going through. It is a great resource for anyone who has gone through this personally or may know someone who has.

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS A MISCARRIAGE

Do let your genuine concern and caring show
Do be available....to listen or to help with what ever seems needed at the time
Do say your sorry about what happened and about their pain
Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and to not expect to much of themselves, nor to impose any shoulds' on themselves.
Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it was not their fault.
Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends
may add pain to an already painful experience.
Don't say you know how they feel ( unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then yo can be particularly supportive).
Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgement about their feelings.
Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
Don't change the subject if they mention their loss.
Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
Don't try and find something positive about their loss (ie. a moral lesson closer family ties, etc.)
Don't point out at least they have their other......
Don't say they can always have another....(they wanted this one).
Don't say that they should be grateful for......
Don't make any comments, which in anyway suggest that the loss was their fault( there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).


This is not written to offend anyone or point a finger at anyone who may have said something on this list, it is to help you to try to understand where we are coming from. We have a lot of emotions that need to heal and it is going to take time.
Thank you to all who have called and written, we really appreciate it. We are very blessed to have such great friends and family.
Matt and Christy

The day after...

I spoke with S this morning, we had a good talk and both cried. She is hurting, I am hurting, we ALL are hurting. We all wanted this so bad! We may not ever understand why but it doesn't keep us from asking over and over "why us Lord?" Matt and I are going to talk to someone tomorrow to help deal with our feelings. I feel numb but at the same time ache all over because we wanted THIS baby.
I may not have been carrying the baby but i still feel the same bond and heartbreak as if i were. We fell in love with Baby E from the moment we saw the embryo picture the morning of transfer. I even "talked" to it every day as it hung on our fridge. I still can not bear to take it down :(
We all need extra thoughts and prayers. please pray specifically for our hearts to heal, my anger to disappear, and that we will not be scared to try again when the time is right.
Until then to my sweet babies in heaven I miss you!

I Saw You In My Dreams

by Melina Reeves

I saw you in my dreams last night

sitting on the side of my bed

You held out your hands to me

before you quietly said

Mommy, I am in heaven now

up where the angels play

Mom, I love you
We'll be together again someday

Mom, I have a favor to ask you

please don't cry anymore

I am waiting up here in Heaven

behind heavens pearly door
There are lots of people here mom,

some who tell me about you

they tell me how much you love me

and all about daddy too.

Mom I have to go now,

I will visit again some day

Remember that I am happy

and in your heart to stay

I woke up then

and sat up with a start

I knew from the smile on his face

he would never part.

He told me he was happy

and told me of his plea

he wanted me to smile again

he's watching over me

I saw him in my dreams last night

sitting on the edge of my bed

http://www.honoredbabies.org/

Sometimes it is not meant to be.....

When I wrote the last post I hesitated a little before i posted it. Was I writing to soon, should I wait longer. I wanted to enjoy the feelings i was experiencing and just take it day by day.
Today we got news that S had a miscarriage today. With out going into much detail and protecting her privacy she went to the E.R today and it was confirmed that she has miscarried.
We are all shocked and trying to deal with our emotions. We will get through this. I feel really bad that S has to experience this i wish i could take the pain away. It is a very hard thing to go through both physically and emotionally.
I feel strange writing about this but maybe it will help me deal with my emotions a little better then the last time. I feel like I never dealt with the miscarriage I had in June of 2008. I think a lot of it has to do with not talking about it.
Please pray for S and her family as they go through this difficult time. We will not loose hope. This is just another mountain we must climb.

Wow.......

this is an amazing feeling! I have dreamed about doing a post about this for SOOOO long now I still can not believe it is happening. Pinch me I think I am dreaming, if I am I don't want to wake up!
First of all i would like to introduce an amazing woman and her family. This is S and her husband J. S is our gestational carrier and is 9 weeks pregnant with our baby! It has been a long process to get here but so worth it!
It all started on June 13 when her husband J called Matt and told him that they have been thinking for a long time about this and would like to help us have the family we have been praying for. S wanted to carry our baby for us! We were shocked and amazed at what they were willing to do for us. After talking it over with each other Matt and I jumped at the chance to begin this journey them. After many tests and Dr appointments we finally made it to the BIG DAY, November 29th 2009. S was as calm as could be, Me......well lets just say I though I was going to be sick with nervousness! But I have always told her, let me do the worrying and you stay calm and relaxed. Which she did and it worked! She was a champ!
We found out that we are going to be parents Dec 7th and it has been a whirlwind ever since! Sometimes Matt and I find ourselves looking at each other and smiling in utter amazement, I think we are still in shock at how our prayers have been answered.
I ask that you will say some prayers for S and her family as this is an incredibly stressful, self-less thing they are doing for us. The stress that pregnancy can cause on husbands and children can be very hard and she is doing it all for us! AMAZING!
Here are a few pictures we have taken to document this journey together.
Amazing Family, Amazing Friends.......Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Our Lucky shirts I got for her an I. So cute!

I think J and I could have used a Valium ! We were the nervous Nelly's that's for sure!

The pee stick.

I have said since the beginning of 2009 that I wanted " 2 lines in 09". I got them in December, talk about waiting till the last minute! We can't wait!!!!! Aug 2010 can't get her fast enough!