I have struggled with the idea of writing about this , which i found here but i am hoping it helps me deal with this roller coaster ride we are on that seems will never come to an end. I am a very private person and find it hard to talk about things that are bothering me or hurting me. My husband can ates to this unfortunately. With my past health issues i have learned to just stay strong and persevere through all the "crap" and things will get better. It is because of Gods will and my faith that i am here today, that i know is true. Nothing has ever really come easy for me, almost everything seems like a battle and it gets really tiring. I don't mean for this to become a venting post but i am really struggling today as to what to do and which path we should go.
I don't like the person i have become over this past year....angry, jealous, anxious, depressed, confused, guilty, sad. i want to start living again, become who i used to be before all of this became our daily purpose. I hope this helps people to maybe understand what matt and i are going through . My hopes are that opening up and "talking " to my friends and family will help me heal and become who i am meant to be. Matt and I have some important things to think about and i hope this upcoming vacation will give us the chance to reflect and shed some light on what it is we should do.
We have had many people give suggestions as to what we should and shouldn't do and i understand there concern, as i have the same concerns. but i feel like i need to have faith that everything will be alright. That is what got me through tough times in the past. But then again, is the reason I am not becoming pregnant Gods way of telling me to not force the issue. Maybe there is a different plan for us and we're just not listening. We just want a baby!
We just need some extra prayers to help guide us in the best way possible so please send them our way if you feel the need.
I hope this post came out right and not just me complaining, forgive me if it sounds that way.
8 comments:
Hold fast to your faith! Praying for you today!
Hugs,
Casey
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
Christy....
I pray for you and Matt always and will continue to do so. Life's journey can be so confusing at times. I know that you are such a "strong" person and at the same time....I know how tired you must be of being "strong". Please know that I am here and thinking of you.
My dearest Christy & Matt,
How very brave the two of you are. We know how much you love each other. Sometimes it is good to vent, I think its healthy. Our prayers go out to you and know you are surrounded by lots of angels. You have a strong faith and that will see through these struggles.
Lots of hugs and prayers.
Mom and Tom
Oh Chris! We love you guys! It is so unfair that you've had to be strong for so long. I am so glad you decided to share. Maybe it's a weight that needed to be lifted. That video was very sad, yet said so perfectly. xoxo
Christy...everything does happen for a reason and god does have a plan for you and matt! it's going to happen whether you adopt or have a baby of your own! But when it does that baby will be so loved and wanted!!
im sure you feel so much better expressing your concerns and things will get better! just have faith....
i will be thinking of you....
I would never use any of those words to describe you (in the middle of your blog) You are a kind, loving person that I feel lucky to have met. You and Matt will be wonderful parents of a very loved baby someday. My prayers are with you both. Thinking of you.
thanks for all the sweet and supprtive comments, they have really helped me the past few days to feel more optimistic about things.
Just a quick little note. I think of you often. I wish the best for you both. I know how hard it is. My heart aches for you guys. Life seems so unfair sometimes. It definately makes for heart wrenching times. I guess we just have to believe God has a plan, and meanwhile we just have to keep on living the best life we can. I can relate to you in soo many ways. Keep the faith, stay strong and lean a lot on the one you love. If you ever need to vent lets get together and chat.
God Bless, Anna
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