The Ensworth's

I have struggled with the idea of writing about this , which i found here but i am hoping it helps me deal with this roller coaster ride we are on that seems will never come to an end. I am a very private person and find it hard to talk about things that are bothering me or hurting me. My husband can ates to this unfortunately. With my past health issues i have learned to just stay strong and persevere through all the "crap" and things will get better. It is because of Gods will and my faith that i am here today, that i know is true. Nothing has ever really come easy for me, almost everything seems like a battle and it gets really tiring. I don't mean for this to become a venting post but i am really struggling today as to what to do and which path we should go.

I don't like the person i have become over this past year....angry, jealous, anxious, depressed, confused, guilty, sad. i want to start living again, become who i used to be before all of this became our daily purpose. I hope this helps people to maybe understand what matt and i are going through . My hopes are that opening up and "talking " to my friends and family will help me heal and become who i am meant to be. Matt and I have some important things to think about and i hope this upcoming vacation will give us the chance to reflect and shed some light on what it is we should do.

We have had many people give suggestions as to what we should and shouldn't do and i understand there concern, as i have the same concerns. but i feel like i need to have faith that everything will be alright. That is what got me through tough times in the past. But then again, is the reason I am not becoming pregnant Gods way of telling me to not force the issue. Maybe there is a different plan for us and we're just not listening. We just want a baby!

We just need some extra prayers to help guide us in the best way possible so please send them our way if you feel the need.

I hope this post came out right and not just me complaining, forgive me if it sounds that way.