The day after...

I spoke with S this morning, we had a good talk and both cried. She is hurting, I am hurting, we ALL are hurting. We all wanted this so bad! We may not ever understand why but it doesn't keep us from asking over and over "why us Lord?" Matt and I are going to talk to someone tomorrow to help deal with our feelings. I feel numb but at the same time ache all over because we wanted THIS baby.
I may not have been carrying the baby but i still feel the same bond and heartbreak as if i were. We fell in love with Baby E from the moment we saw the embryo picture the morning of transfer. I even "talked" to it every day as it hung on our fridge. I still can not bear to take it down :(
We all need extra thoughts and prayers. please pray specifically for our hearts to heal, my anger to disappear, and that we will not be scared to try again when the time is right.
Until then to my sweet babies in heaven I miss you!

I Saw You In My Dreams

by Melina Reeves

I saw you in my dreams last night

sitting on the side of my bed

You held out your hands to me

before you quietly said

Mommy, I am in heaven now

up where the angels play

Mom, I love you
We'll be together again someday

Mom, I have a favor to ask you

please don't cry anymore

I am waiting up here in Heaven

behind heavens pearly door
There are lots of people here mom,

some who tell me about you

they tell me how much you love me

and all about daddy too.

Mom I have to go now,

I will visit again some day

Remember that I am happy

and in your heart to stay

I woke up then

and sat up with a start

I knew from the smile on his face

he would never part.

He told me he was happy

and told me of his plea

he wanted me to smile again

he's watching over me

I saw him in my dreams last night

sitting on the edge of my bed

http://www.honoredbabies.org/