What not to say.....

Some people have been asking how they can help us and support us through this time of great loss. I found this today and felt it may help you to understand what we may be going through. It is a great resource for anyone who has gone through this personally or may know someone who has.

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS A MISCARRIAGE

Do let your genuine concern and caring show
Do be available....to listen or to help with what ever seems needed at the time
Do say your sorry about what happened and about their pain
Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and to not expect to much of themselves, nor to impose any shoulds' on themselves.
Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it was not their fault.
Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends
may add pain to an already painful experience.
Don't say you know how they feel ( unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then yo can be particularly supportive).
Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgement about their feelings.
Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
Don't change the subject if they mention their loss.
Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
Don't try and find something positive about their loss (ie. a moral lesson closer family ties, etc.)
Don't point out at least they have their other......
Don't say they can always have another....(they wanted this one).
Don't say that they should be grateful for......
Don't make any comments, which in anyway suggest that the loss was their fault( there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).


This is not written to offend anyone or point a finger at anyone who may have said something on this list, it is to help you to try to understand where we are coming from. We have a lot of emotions that need to heal and it is going to take time.
Thank you to all who have called and written, we really appreciate it. We are very blessed to have such great friends and family.
Matt and Christy