I have struggled with the idea of writing about this , which i found here but i am hoping it helps me deal with this roller coaster ride we are on that seems will never come to an end. I am a very private person and find it hard to talk about things that are bothering me or hurting me. My husband can ates to this unfortunately. With my past health issues i have learned to just stay strong and persevere through all the "crap" and things will get better. It is because of Gods will and my faith that i am here today, that i know is true. Nothing has ever really come easy for me, almost everything seems like a battle and it gets really tiring. I don't mean for this to become a venting post but i am really struggling today as to what to do and which path we should go.

I don't like the person i have become over this past year....angry, jealous, anxious, depressed, confused, guilty, sad. i want to start living again, become who i used to be before all of this became our daily purpose. I hope this helps people to maybe understand what matt and i are going through . My hopes are that opening up and "talking " to my friends and family will help me heal and become who i am meant to be. Matt and I have some important things to think about and i hope this upcoming vacation will give us the chance to reflect and shed some light on what it is we should do.

We have had many people give suggestions as to what we should and shouldn't do and i understand there concern, as i have the same concerns. but i feel like i need to have faith that everything will be alright. That is what got me through tough times in the past. But then again, is the reason I am not becoming pregnant Gods way of telling me to not force the issue. Maybe there is a different plan for us and we're just not listening. We just want a baby!

We just need some extra prayers to help guide us in the best way possible so please send them our way if you feel the need.

I hope this post came out right and not just me complaining, forgive me if it sounds that way.

Spring has Sprung!

Today is the first day of spring and I am welcoming it with open arms. I love this time of year! the trees are in bloom and the flowers are starting to bloom. I am itching to plant some flowers but am trying to hold off till we get back from our cruise. Happy Spring!

Happy St. Patricks Day!

26:51

Matt and Kyle ran in the Bidwell Classic in Chico on Saturday. They both did great and should be very proud of themselves. Matt's official time was 26:51 min and Kyles time was 28:08 min for 3.1 miles. There were about 500+ people who were registered to run and Matt came in # 161 and Kyle came in # 180. I waited at the finish line with my camera in hand. I am very proud of you Matt for completing your first race. Keep up the good work.


Before the race
timing is everything! Ready, Get set , Go!
Matt coming in. ( if you click on the photo you can see him better)
Kyle coming in.

Long Time No See!!!!

We had the pleasure of having Matt's mom Ann come visit in February. we haven't seen her since her last visit in June of last year. we picked her up at the airport on Sunday and she was with us till Tues when she went to Chico to spend get some Josie time in. although we had an unexpected visit on Monday when Josie and Barb came down and we played and visited all afternoon. I am sure it was a great surprise to ann!Grandma Ann was in heaven. Coloring was great fun and so was duck duck goose! we miss you already Ann and can't wait till the next time we can all be together again.

umm.....what do we do?

I think there is someone squatting in the vacant house next to us! Yesterday Matt started mowing the back yard and there was a dog barking in the back yard next to us. There has never been a dog back there before, where did this dog come from?! I went to our neighbors on the other side of the house thinking maybe there dog dug into the yard, just a thought. It was not theirs. We could see that there was a dog bed in the back yard and a bucket of water. It seems like a nice puppy but it is a pit bull so we did not go in the backyard. Well we fed the dog just in case it needed food and waited to see if it was gone in the morning.
Matt checked this morning and saw that there is a window open facing the back yard. you can see food on the counter and the dog goes in and out of the window, lovely! Well we decided to call the police department and have someone come out to check it out. This is where I get irritated. The cops came (three of them) and knocked on the front door, like someone is going to answer! They then went to the back yard, with there pepper spray ready for the dog, which turned out to be very nice. They said nobody was in the house now but there doesn't seem to be any sign of forced entry! what! the window is open in the back while it is raining. "well nothing is vandalized and everything looks fine, the place needs to be cleaned up a bit but it seems you have new neighbors" that is what the cops said. Yeah right, like new neighbors would drop the dog off and let the dog go in and out through the window! Where did these cops go to school?! This is what we pay for with our tax dollars! They say there is nothing they can do. So I called the realtor and left a message.
*Update....Someone came by to do a home inspection and was startled to find a dog in the back yard. He said that some one did put an offer on the house which was excepted but they would not have the keys yet or be allowed to enter the house till escrow closed, in about 3 weeks.
I hope the dog is taken away and the realtor locks the house up good. Its scary to think someone is possibly squatting there. I am looking forward to having new neighbors though so the house is taken care of. Well that is my vent for the day and I am off to get some acupuncture done, I hope i can relax this time.

Go Cardinals!