I'm baaaaccckk!

pictures are out of order, i forgot how to upload them right!

E's first Thanksgiving
relaxing on thanksgiving

mommy holding e in the nicu

On our way to become a family of 3!

Wow what a difference a year and a 1/2 makes! so much has happened I'm not sure where to begin. I'll start by saying in January of 2011 Matt and i went through our 3rd frozen embryo transfer. In February we found out it worked! I was very nervous and excited at the same time. we were due Oct 27th. That day seemed sooo far away. Little did we know our little blessing would come sooner then that. I was having the easiest pregnancy in the beginning, no morning sickness or food aversions. i was measuring good and baby was growing appropriately. We found out we were having a boy in June, both of us were very excited. There is a lot of girls in our family! It all changed on July 13 when i went to the Dr and baby was measuring 2-3 weeks behind. My blood pressure was high and i was told to watch my blood pressure and come back for another u/s in 2 weeks. The next day my blood pressure was sky high and i was told to go to the hospital. I was admitted and was put on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy, i was 25 weeks.

Ethan never grew anymore and was delivered by c- section on 8-8-11 at 28 weeks and 4 days at 1 lb 8 oz 12.2 in long. Hes our little miracle! He spent 72 days in the nicu and came home on Oct 18th.

I can't wait to share all about him.

Rental Remodel

We have a rental house in Chico that Matt bought while attending Chico state 9 years ago. It can be a lot of work at times but will all be worth it in the end. Our renters moved out May 7th and we had the oppurtunity to finally remove the old kitchen cabinets and replace them with new ones. We also painted the interior and replaced the doors with new 6 panel doors. I think it turned out really nice. Now we just need to get some tenants in there!

The orignal cabinet in the kitchen by the laundery that we left in place. it also shows through the living room too. it would hav ebeen hard to replace and acctually gives it some character.

The new two tone paint throughout the house. Looking from kitchen into living room/dining room.

The new kitchen cabinets. The old ones were the original cabinets from 1920 when the house was built. They were white plywood and the doors and drawers did not close properly. New countertop, sink, and faucet as well.

If you know anyone who may need a house in Chico, let me know. It is a 2 bedroom 1 bath and needs some good tenants to make it a home!

Matt's Actual Birthday!

The reason I planned a birthday surprise for Matt on May 1st was because we had something very important planned for May 14th, his actual birthday. We decided back in April that we were going to pursue our dream of having a family and not let the bad experience we had with our surrogate stop us. We were both hurt and angry with the whole experience. I am not going to go into details because I don't want to bring up the hurt and anger again.
We will not pursue surrogacy again, at least not for a VERY long time. And if we do ever decide that is the route we want to try again, we will most defiantly go through an agency and choose someone who has been a surrogate before.
Now to Matt's real birthday. We had began the process of doing a F.E.T ( frozen embryo transfer ) on myself March 31st. I started birth control pills on March 31 and took them for 21 days. This is to keep your body "quiet" and hopefully keep your body from making any cysts in the ovaries. I then started Lupron which is to keep your body suppressed and keep your lining thin. This was a Sub Q injection in the thigh, very small needle and no pain at all. I gave them to myself daily. Now, I had never been through this process before as I only went through the stimulation part of IVF because the embryo was transferred to our surrogate. I produced many follicles and they retrieved 20 eggs on November 24th 2009. This was very uncomfortable but well worth it as we now have many frozen embryos to work with now, not 20 but a good amount. I was very nervous about the PIO (progesterone in oil ) injections as well as the Estrodial injections, because our surrogate had a terrible time with these. These are both IM ( inter- muscular) injections and must be done in the butt. Matt had to give these to me and he had never given a shot before. He did awesome! The shot does not hurt at all, but the bum does get very sore from the daily shots. I had to get the PIO shots every day starting about a week before transfer till the HCG beta results 8 days after transfer. The Estrodial shots were just Tues and Friday's.
To help with some of the side effects of the meds and to help with the anxiety of all of this, I also started doing acupuncture with a lady who works with IVF Patients and knows the protocol. Acupuncture helped me with stress relief and anxiety and the headaches that Lupron caused. It also helped me sleep better as well, my mind tends to race at night and I have a hard time sleeping. I went once a week for about 3 weeks and then on the day of the transfer I went right before the transfer and right after the transfer. I also took a Valium that the RE ( Reproductive Endocrinologist) gave me to help relax me and also help ease the uterine cramps that sometimes follow an Embryo transfer. I know this is a lot of personal info but I am also documenting this for myself so I can remember the details. This may help a lot people understand the whole process as well , I get asked a lot of questions regarding IVF.
The morning of May 14th we woke up and headed to the fertility clinic. I was so relaxed and calm. probably didn't need Valium but i took it anyway for the cramping. I really think the acupuncture was what helped me feel this calm. I have never had a problem with my uterine lining even when I did IUI's ( inter uterine insemination) and this time was no exception. Perfect! was the Dr's exact words. 14 cm if I remember correctly. I slept the rest of the afternoon and evening. I laid in bed or on the couch for the next 4 days per Dr's orders. I was able to shower but nothing else. I went in for my first HCG beta on May 20th. They do not even process this test, they freeze it and run it with the second test at the same time to make sure the environment is the same. I went in for the second test on May 22nd. I did not have any symptoms of being pregnant and was feeling nervous that it did not work. I took a HPT ( home pregnancy test) the morning of may 22 before we headed to the clinic for the 2nd beta test. It was negative..... the blood tests were also negative. I really wish I could have given Matt the VERY best gift for his birthday but not this time, hopefully next time. We were disappointed but not beaten down. We will try again. We have to! We will not quit because quiting would be giving up and we are not ready to do that. We have to/want to give all our embryos that are left a chance.
Currently we are in the middle of the process again and are looking forward to the possibility of being pregnant. This time I am also doing acupuncture. I am much more relaxed about the injections, I haven't started them yet but know they will go fine. I am doing the estrodial patches instead because Matt will not be here to give them to me. My bum will appreciate that I am sure! Well there you have "the rest of the story" . This has defiantly been the most emotional trying time I have ever been through, and I have been through trying times before! But I have to say that I am stronger, we are stronger because of it. I feel that our marriage is stronger because of it and we are there for each other in a more intense way then before. We understand life is not fair and can be difficult at times, but bring it on! We can/will get through it. We will have a family one way or the other!
Prayers and positive thoughts are much needed and very appreciated.

Matt's Birthday Surprise!

For Matt's Birthday I surprised him with a day just for him. I told him a week before that he could not plan anything for May 1st and he must keep the day open. He kept asking me what we were doing, where we were going, for how long we were going to be gone. I didn't give him any clues.....he was a wreck not know the details! Well we started the day going east, He thought we were getting a tattoo in Grass Valley, nope! We turned south towards Roseville.... a massage? Nope! We spent a few hours in Roseville shopping (for him) and eating lunch. Then we headed west towards Sacramento..... a boat ride on the river? Nope! He was dieing! These were his guesses as I was driving. Again I gave him zero clues. Well we turned on J street and proceeded to 14th street and turned left. A few hundred feet from "the place" you could smell what was coming up. I thought for sure he was going to figure it out ....Nope! He even commented on how good it smelled. ( the smell was from the hopps) He didn't have any idea until we walked into Brew.It.Up in Sacramento to brew our ( his ) own beer! Needless to say he LOVED it! It took 3 hours. It was great fun and Matt enjoyed himself so much he was still feeling it the next day! We returned 3 weeks later to bottle and bring our beer home. I am not much of a beer drinker ( well not much of a drinker at all ) but I have to say the beer is pretty good. I highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys a beer or two or three :) You come home with about six cases of beer. We have been sharing with our friends and family.


On our way home, feeling Soooo Goood! Until tomorrow :)

Me giving the beer a big stir!

He is loving this! He said it was the best birthday he has had in years! Nice pat on the back for me :)

The beer was VERY hot. We had to stir it every 15 minutes.

April is Donate Life Month

I will write about our infertility/surrogate/? when i am ready, until then April is donate life month.

Did you know.......

There are over 100,000 people, the size of a small city, on the transplant list in the US.

There were less than 10,000 deceased organ donors in the US last year. (that's a ratio of 1 organ donor to every 10 transplant patients).

In the time it takes you to shower today, 1 new name is added to the US transplant waiting list.

From the time you woke up this morning to the time you wake up tomorrow morning, 18 people will die waiting for their transplant in the US.
click below to register.
http://www.donatelifecalifornia.org/

Save a life today!

Dr. Appointment

Matt and I went to the Dr. yesterday for a follow up appointment to ask questions about what could have gone wrong. We asked about any type of testing that could be done to see if Matt and i are even compatible, in the baby making sense. There is a blood test but it is quite pricey and even then if it does show something genetic the Dr. does not recommend trying to test the frozen embryos that we have because the process could be damaging to the embryos. Also if it does show something it does not mean that the embryos would not produce a healthy baby. If the blood test does not show anything, it still would not rule out the possibility of having another miscarriage. So Matt and I have chosen to not have the blood test done at this time. The Dr felt like there was not anything specific that caused the miscarriage because the first u/s showed the baby was measuring 2 weeks smaller then it should have. the heart rate was also slow (130), but a week later the heart rate was 172 and measuring only a week and a half behind. so we were hope full that the first u/s measurements were just off or that the baby was catching up. We know now that that was not the case. S was dx with a sub.chor.ionic hem.orage on Friday and started miscarrying on Sat. This was something that could not be prevented or stopped.
As for our next step we are still giving S and J some time to think about it more as she does not feel ready yet, and not sure if she ever will. This is really disappointing for Matt and I but we will not give up know matter what they decide. We will just move on to plan b. We certainly did not expect this to be a one time shot. I don't think we would have proceeded with everything if we only had 1 chance, it's a lot of time, energy and money to spend. Now we just wait, a little longer, as I will not wait forever, to see what our next step entails. I have never given up on what I want and I will just keep climbing this mountain called IF. Sometimes life can be scary but I have to look beyond those fears and trust that what is meant to happen will happen, just hoping its sooner rather then later!

I could not have said it better.....

I received this from my Aunt a while back and it is something I have really come to realize this past month while going through our recent loss.

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes. Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break.

Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.

BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.........Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you........Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other..

Every day, we need each other still