Why!!??

Why? Why do such deserving people have to feel such heartbreak?
Why does He give to just take away moments later?
I will never know the answer but pray I will begin to trust the reason even though I may never understand.
There are women who are going through this heartbreak today, most we do not know, but some we do. My dear friend I am thinking about you today! I am sooooo angry that we have to experience this. I hate that our dreams were shattered. Yeah, we must go on but we will NOT forget them! I think about my babies everyday, and they are always in my heart.
This week S would have been 13 weeks, past the "critical" stage. We would have seen S's baby belly. We would be talking and planning the upcoming events, finding out the sex, the baby shower, the beginning of the nursery, all the "fun" stuff. Uggghhh, Why did this have to end?!
J and S are coming to town for his grandma's b day and we are going to have dinner with them next week. I am a little nervous, I hope I don't break down crying! I have been doing [pretty well, staying busy defiantly helps. But then something happens or pops up in my email or snail mail that brings back all the disappointment. Signing up for baby center and weekly updates has not made this easy! Just when i think I have deleted all the updates i receive one more!
Please pray for us as we see S and J for the first time since the miscarriage and we go to our follow up apointmentt with the IVF Dr on the 23rd. We have so many questions that we hope can be answered. Answers that will hopefully put our fears at ease so we can begin the next step towards having a baby!

What not to say.....

Some people have been asking how they can help us and support us through this time of great loss. I found this today and felt it may help you to understand what we may be going through. It is a great resource for anyone who has gone through this personally or may know someone who has.

IF SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS A MISCARRIAGE

Do let your genuine concern and caring show
Do be available....to listen or to help with what ever seems needed at the time
Do say your sorry about what happened and about their pain
Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and to not expect to much of themselves, nor to impose any shoulds' on themselves.
Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it was not their fault.
Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends
may add pain to an already painful experience.
Don't say you know how they feel ( unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then yo can be particularly supportive).
Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgement about their feelings.
Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
Don't change the subject if they mention their loss.
Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
Don't try and find something positive about their loss (ie. a moral lesson closer family ties, etc.)
Don't point out at least they have their other......
Don't say they can always have another....(they wanted this one).
Don't say that they should be grateful for......
Don't make any comments, which in anyway suggest that the loss was their fault( there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).


This is not written to offend anyone or point a finger at anyone who may have said something on this list, it is to help you to try to understand where we are coming from. We have a lot of emotions that need to heal and it is going to take time.
Thank you to all who have called and written, we really appreciate it. We are very blessed to have such great friends and family.
Matt and Christy